Feel those feelings dog

I have been wrestling with writer’s block these past few days but am feeling a greater sense of clarity in myself. I am at a point where I can feel the growth. For instance, I am being put in situations where I can hear the narratives that I used to entertain in the past make noise, but I’m able to hear that story and see that not all stories are fact. I feel my feelings as they come up, and while there’s part of me (ego?) that tells me to repress, to put on a happy face, and pretend that I’m okay because that’s more convenient for others, I have the agency to choose something different. And what’s really inconvenient is when I repress my emotions and they come back to bite me later in the ass, and others in the ass too. So now I feel. I feel beautiful tears of grief, sadness, joy, and happiness fall down my face with no reprieve. I allow myself to indulge in the catharsis of emotion because I want to feel it.

At this moment I feel like I’ve shed the judgment I’ve had around my feelings too. One of the tracks that I have in my subconscious is judging the fuck out of myself for feeling like shit. Feelings can just be, and judging myself for having them has never gotten me anywhere. And hey, the only way over is through ; )

P.S.

A big part of awareness, or being awake, or whatever you want to call it, is (for me in my own journey) having awareness and then losing it. Being awake and then getting activated by something and falling back asleep. There’s no judgment about it because I’ve lived my whole existence prior to the past 2 years or so allowing life to happen to me instead of choosing to play the game, so I’m gonna fall into old habits here and there. But part of awakening is figuring out how to wake up again when you fall asleep. Having awake friends who love me helps, and maybe this website can serve as breadcrumbs to get me back to this state— and I still have so far to go.