Putting the pieces together

My inner child is begging to be held.

 Begging to be supported.

 Begging to be seen.

My heart aches

but there is no one who seems present to my cries. 

They look at me, and from the looks on their faces 

the thing I’m asking for isn’t 

what they are hearing I’m asking for. 

They don’t hear my inner child, they don’t see them. 

They hear my 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 year old self.

And what they’re saying is not please hold me.

They’re saying give me space

Back the fuck up.

I look down at my feet

All the layers of myself

My nervous system activated

Sweaty palms, beating heart

All my parts, saying something different

Hold me, don’t talk to me, know what I want. 

I understand now

How confusing this is

How I tell you to go

But I want you to stay

And what do I do now

What does 23 year old me do now

Palms sweaty

Heart beating

I stick out my palm, back away

But you lean in

Squint your eyes

And in between the lines of my hand

Please stay.

Please hold me. 

This poem was written after processing some feedback that put a lot of clarity into my past relationships. A missing piece of a puzzle in many ways, and now with the picture complete I can see much more clear and where to go.